Kill the Patriarchy

The live story replay

Okay. The 20th was a while ago. It’s not a live story anymore. You got me there. And it’s not about killing anyone or anything, not even this ridiculous cruelty system we live under. In the last 25 years or so that I worked as a high school teacher, I saw how our devastating patriarchal system of domination over every damn thing is killing our boys. Many days, especially in continuation high school, where I worked with the seriously at-risk kids, I had boys who were so depressed, they could barely lift their foreheads off the desk.

I saw boys proving how tough they were constantly, as currency, running the streets in gangs, in and out of prison, and reporting to parole officers. And high, before breakfast. We had to lock the bathroom and let them in one at a time, and go in after them to give it the sniff test, but of course, some of them had vapes, and some just smoked as they walked to school.

I’d sit down beside them without saying anything until they were pretty uncomfortable. That’s easy when someone is high. Then I’d say, “So, if you come to school like that again, I’ll call your dad.” Notice I didn’t say, Mom.

And yet they were still boys, still craving attention and approval - mostly from their dads, which they did not get. They belittled each other constantly to gain status. Their friendships were far shallower than the girls' because of all the jockeying for social position, which meant they could never really trust one another. A boy never knew when it was going to be his turn to be the one “owned,” the laughing stock, the one on the outs.

And that was just at school. They were dominated by men on buses, on the street, in their part-time jobs, by their dads and uncles. Men, grown men, targeted these youngsters. They could smell an easy victory and could not resist. They knew: these were only boys. That was the point.

Teaching in continuation was a spiritual practice, a being with from a place of loving-kindness. The person I most had to be with, of course, was myself, in the willingness to keep the barriers down, to let them in, to love them and myself, even when those things seemed mutually exclusive. It’s a listening and a willingness to feel. So here, without any further ado, is my story about HOW to kill the patriarchy.

Slices: Death by Papercut, Susan Kacvinsky

And, because I know people will want to see all the great stories, here is the link to the full replay.

And here, because this is such a cool and vibrant community of feminists who support one another, is the link to the Wham Bam Thank You Slam substack. There’s a show every month; the themes are listed on the Substack. Maybe you want to pick a month and tell a story yourself? The woman who does all the hard work of producing this show, Nan Tepper, is amazing - one of a kind. You’ll probably want to subscribe.