OH! I just read the last part.I wonder if you're doing the darkness retreat with Andrew Holechec. (wrong spelling). I'm so curious about it! I wish it goes well !
I’m sitting in a teahouse in Ashland OR. My ride to the retreat comes in about two hours. I have a day of prep tomorrow. Lights out Monday night through Friday morning. I have integration and a massage (yes!) on Friday, and fly back Saturday late morning.
I'm back from the darkness. It was incredible. What an experience. I'm still integrating. Not sure if I will write about it this week or wait. I'm going for a long walk on the beach today with that question. I grew to love the darkness and everything in it. It was lovely to be disconnected from everything on my phone and laptop for so long. This is my first day back. Thanks for being with me as I walked through it.
Welcome back! I definitely thought of you every day and especially in the mornings when I would light incense and sit. I know someone that did a dark retreat in a dark cabin and he went out at night and the stars were way to bright! That always struck me. It sounds like you were able to do it! Amazing amazing! xoxox
No. The man leading at Sky Caves is named Scott. His wife who does somatic prep and integration is Adrienne. Thanks. I expect to meet myself, so … could be difficult. I’ll remember to laugh when the projections get dense.
Susan! I love how you take us through your life/practices...thoughts with patriarchs bubbling in the background. you make the patriarchy visible. It's exciting to me to see how that works. (especially as the world protested against it today--the protest felt like a type of stopping. And joining in stopping. I feel the suffering you've written about in the past as a way to being true. I'm questioning all that language too. attachment, desire...Love love.
I love this. We can all let go of all of it. And just be here. True to what the moment calls for, which I’d say is kindness. I have so much respect for the ancient traditions. Such wisdom.
Egalitarianism is the goal. And I believe we will get there. We are seeing the final throes of the partriarchy at war with itself. But what may come in its wake is instability, fracture, anger. Change on this scale doesn't happen overnight.
So what we must do in the interim is the thing women have always done: take care of ourselves, our families, our little plot of land. And some things women have been trained not to do--keep speaking up. Keep using our voices and our pens to champion the ways things are beginning to turn. Small, local victories. Group efforts to support the planet, each other, and our communties. Tend the new leaves beginning to cluster on bare rose bushes--and use our thorns when we need to.
And take heart--courage has heart at its center. Harness love and turn it into a weapon against hate. After all, these emotions are very close to one another chemically--according to neuroscientist Semir Zeki, they share overlapping pathways in the brain. The difference is in the parts of the brain they activate. Sometimes they emerge from one another. It takes intention and practice to turn to love as the default--but it can be done when we see ourselves and the other through the eyes of love, even when something, or someone triggers us we don't have to succumb to the brain's autonomic response. That's what practices like meditation teach.
I’m reading The Patriarchs: the history of inequality. According to the scholarship, there’s no one way we all were. Many cultures were egalitarian, though. And she made the point that they didn’t see gender at all the way we do. Our understanding of gender makes it almost impossible for us to understand then until now. We’re just starting to.
I’m also reading the chalice and the blade again. She uses the word equalitarian and refers to dominant cultures and partnership cultures.
We’re speaking about the same thing, but this book the history of the white people is fascinating, imperative, and a clear demonstration of who wrote history.
The school for boys. Although this is written by a brilliant Black feminist. I am so impressed with the fairness of her work and research.
Patriarchy failed a (long) while back. That we know. I have recently come across another example of it, (far too close to home), and of the problem of 'silences of collusion', or of 'the thing that cannot be named.' There's the rub. If you have worked in HIV/AIDS, you will know what I'm talking about.
Fact is, it's trite (and disrespectful) to say that 'people did not 'die of AIDS, they died of ignorance.' The truth is that a lot of people died of shame - personal, community, and social shame, because the politicians (by and large) were not prepared to talk about it. The patriarchy similarly. We have just (recently) started naming and shaming 'patriarchy' and the depths of its infiltration into, well, everything. (See Zygmunt Baumann's excellent book on 'Modernity and the Holocaust' for a well researched, and useful antidote to 'simplistic historiography.)
Best wishes for your 'darkness retreat' - like many others, here, I'd love to hear more (when you're comfortable talking about it!). Go well. Travel well. Etc ........
Thanks for this. I feel your support coming with me into the darkness. You are right. Those people died of shame, patriarchy’s most powerful weapon, and the basis of addition and so many other terrible maladies. You’re right, we need to turn the shame back on them. There’s plenty to go around. So much unnecessary suffering. So many lives. War after war. Time’s up.
I hope that when this evolutionary mess of domination culture is finished, we’ll become homo compassionis. It’ll take a big leap and probably a massive tragedy, but I think that’s where we are headed.
I love this, Susan. I have a hard time with withdrawal in the face of so much horror, but I love that you say we can do both. There’s a farm in northern Virginia that calls to me regularly. It is probably the healthiest way to get some needed perspective and recharge for the important task of truth telling. I, too, am done railing against patriarchy and am getting down to the necessary work of dismantling. It’s freeing. Thank you for this work!!
Yes, thank you. Withdrawl is necessary for me. Essential, but so is attachement. It took me a long time to see that one doesn’t exclude the other. I’m glad a farm is calling you. Virginia is beautiful. I expect that the Earth herself, and our collective unconscious connections are conspiring right now to carry us through. So our job, as I see it, is to know what we know and insist on what is right. It is freeing. That’s how I feel, too.
I’m curious whether you’ve read The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler. It tells the story of early partnership societies gradually giving way to dominator systems—a lens that echoes much of what you’re describing about patriarchal culture.
Yes. I have read her, and Marija Gambutas, and many others. Right now I’m reading The Patriarchs: the origins of inequality by Angela Saini. She’s amazing. Everyone adds a piece to the history the system fights to keep from awareness.
I'm with you, kiddo. All the way. Just stop and tell the truth. It's amazing to witness the miracles that occur. I'm all in. No fear, just love and honesty. Patience and acceptance. Relinquishing the false belief that I can control things around me has provided a stunning sense of freedom. If we all stop...that's fucking powerful. Great piece, Susan. xo
Thanks Nan. You are so right. We’re at that point where we must stop. Every single system is collapsing. Then we take the next breath, and begin. Those of us who have been through this on the personal level can lead the way. Heart forward. Full of compassion and strong boundaries.
“Because I was at war.” Resistance to what is creates the suffering. Not the pain. Pain is pain. I find who I am by who I am not. As usual, we’re on the same page. I think it’s where we land at a certain stage in the process.
I do, too. There’s a end point. When enough of your water is under the bridge, you finally understand there was never any reason to try and change the course of the river. I think there are more of us than we know.
I'm still tingling with excitement from the energy that rises from these words. Acceptance, vision, and surrendering our stories have always seemed so individual to me, so personal. From this vantage point after having just read your essay, surrendering our stories seems as broad as the Stars.
Thanks. I don’t know if enjoy is the right word for a darkness retreat, but I’m sure it will be benificial. Might not be good until it’s over…. hahaha she laughed nervously.
OH! I just read the last part.I wonder if you're doing the darkness retreat with Andrew Holechec. (wrong spelling). I'm so curious about it! I wish it goes well !
I’m sitting in a teahouse in Ashland OR. My ride to the retreat comes in about two hours. I have a day of prep tomorrow. Lights out Monday night through Friday morning. I have integration and a massage (yes!) on Friday, and fly back Saturday late morning.
Oh how exciting! Lovely. I’ll be with you. (great idea, massage!).
I bet I’ll be able to feel it. Thank you. The idea made me emotional.
Oh! good!
I'm back from the darkness. It was incredible. What an experience. I'm still integrating. Not sure if I will write about it this week or wait. I'm going for a long walk on the beach today with that question. I grew to love the darkness and everything in it. It was lovely to be disconnected from everything on my phone and laptop for so long. This is my first day back. Thanks for being with me as I walked through it.
Welcome back! I definitely thought of you every day and especially in the mornings when I would light incense and sit. I know someone that did a dark retreat in a dark cabin and he went out at night and the stars were way to bright! That always struck me. It sounds like you were able to do it! Amazing amazing! xoxox
No. The man leading at Sky Caves is named Scott. His wife who does somatic prep and integration is Adrienne. Thanks. I expect to meet myself, so … could be difficult. I’ll remember to laugh when the projections get dense.
I’ll light a stick of incense for you when I sit in the mornings…If you’re still online what are the dates of your retreat?
Yes please. All help and support gratefully accepted.
Susan! I love how you take us through your life/practices...thoughts with patriarchs bubbling in the background. you make the patriarchy visible. It's exciting to me to see how that works. (especially as the world protested against it today--the protest felt like a type of stopping. And joining in stopping. I feel the suffering you've written about in the past as a way to being true. I'm questioning all that language too. attachment, desire...Love love.
I love this. We can all let go of all of it. And just be here. True to what the moment calls for, which I’d say is kindness. I have so much respect for the ancient traditions. Such wisdom.
Egalitarianism is the goal. And I believe we will get there. We are seeing the final throes of the partriarchy at war with itself. But what may come in its wake is instability, fracture, anger. Change on this scale doesn't happen overnight.
So what we must do in the interim is the thing women have always done: take care of ourselves, our families, our little plot of land. And some things women have been trained not to do--keep speaking up. Keep using our voices and our pens to champion the ways things are beginning to turn. Small, local victories. Group efforts to support the planet, each other, and our communties. Tend the new leaves beginning to cluster on bare rose bushes--and use our thorns when we need to.
And take heart--courage has heart at its center. Harness love and turn it into a weapon against hate. After all, these emotions are very close to one another chemically--according to neuroscientist Semir Zeki, they share overlapping pathways in the brain. The difference is in the parts of the brain they activate. Sometimes they emerge from one another. It takes intention and practice to turn to love as the default--but it can be done when we see ourselves and the other through the eyes of love, even when something, or someone triggers us we don't have to succumb to the brain's autonomic response. That's what practices like meditation teach.
We have a choice. The practice starts with us.
Always, Robin. I appreciate you so much. So clear.
Thank you, Robin. I had to restack this reponse, it’s so right, so perfect. Thank you for writing it. Thank you for reading. Thank you for being here.
I’m glad it resonated with you, Susan. Thank you for sharing!
Bravo
So good
Past the cult of my own personality 🤪😂
I read some recently that the early cultures were called equalitarian or that was the hope
Egalitarian meant only between men
I’m gonna have to look up the source of that, but it was in relationship to this great book that I’m reading called the history of white people
By Nell Irwin Painter
Our history is so fucked
Thanks for bringing truth and humor to the whole picture
I’m reading The Patriarchs: the history of inequality. According to the scholarship, there’s no one way we all were. Many cultures were egalitarian, though. And she made the point that they didn’t see gender at all the way we do. Our understanding of gender makes it almost impossible for us to understand then until now. We’re just starting to.
I’m also reading the chalice and the blade again. She uses the word equalitarian and refers to dominant cultures and partnership cultures.
We’re speaking about the same thing, but this book the history of the white people is fascinating, imperative, and a clear demonstration of who wrote history.
The school for boys. Although this is written by a brilliant Black feminist. I am so impressed with the fairness of her work and research.
Xo
Patriarchy failed a (long) while back. That we know. I have recently come across another example of it, (far too close to home), and of the problem of 'silences of collusion', or of 'the thing that cannot be named.' There's the rub. If you have worked in HIV/AIDS, you will know what I'm talking about.
Fact is, it's trite (and disrespectful) to say that 'people did not 'die of AIDS, they died of ignorance.' The truth is that a lot of people died of shame - personal, community, and social shame, because the politicians (by and large) were not prepared to talk about it. The patriarchy similarly. We have just (recently) started naming and shaming 'patriarchy' and the depths of its infiltration into, well, everything. (See Zygmunt Baumann's excellent book on 'Modernity and the Holocaust' for a well researched, and useful antidote to 'simplistic historiography.)
Best wishes for your 'darkness retreat' - like many others, here, I'd love to hear more (when you're comfortable talking about it!). Go well. Travel well. Etc ........
Thanks for this. I feel your support coming with me into the darkness. You are right. Those people died of shame, patriarchy’s most powerful weapon, and the basis of addition and so many other terrible maladies. You’re right, we need to turn the shame back on them. There’s plenty to go around. So much unnecessary suffering. So many lives. War after war. Time’s up.
We sure don't deserve the name homo sapiens. You got that right.
I hope that when this evolutionary mess of domination culture is finished, we’ll become homo compassionis. It’ll take a big leap and probably a massive tragedy, but I think that’s where we are headed.
I love that appellation.
And I too believe it’s coming.
I love this, Susan. I have a hard time with withdrawal in the face of so much horror, but I love that you say we can do both. There’s a farm in northern Virginia that calls to me regularly. It is probably the healthiest way to get some needed perspective and recharge for the important task of truth telling. I, too, am done railing against patriarchy and am getting down to the necessary work of dismantling. It’s freeing. Thank you for this work!!
Yes, thank you. Withdrawl is necessary for me. Essential, but so is attachement. It took me a long time to see that one doesn’t exclude the other. I’m glad a farm is calling you. Virginia is beautiful. I expect that the Earth herself, and our collective unconscious connections are conspiring right now to carry us through. So our job, as I see it, is to know what we know and insist on what is right. It is freeing. That’s how I feel, too.
What a fantastic, beautiful piece. First thing I read this morning and it’s the perfect way to start the day. Thank you! 🙏🌹
Oh, thank you. That means so much to me. I know where these essays come from, but I never know how they will land. Thanks for leaving this comment.
Hello Susan,
I’m curious whether you’ve read The Chalice and the Blade by Riane Eisler. It tells the story of early partnership societies gradually giving way to dominator systems—a lens that echoes much of what you’re describing about patriarchal culture.
Yes. I have read her, and Marija Gambutas, and many others. Right now I’m reading The Patriarchs: the origins of inequality by Angela Saini. She’s amazing. Everyone adds a piece to the history the system fights to keep from awareness.
Thank you—this is the third time I’ve heard The Patriarchs mentioned, so I’m taking that as a sign it’s time to read it♥️🔥🙏
I think you’ll like it. It pulls together everything that was written before and advances it and deepens it at the same time.
I'm with you, kiddo. All the way. Just stop and tell the truth. It's amazing to witness the miracles that occur. I'm all in. No fear, just love and honesty. Patience and acceptance. Relinquishing the false belief that I can control things around me has provided a stunning sense of freedom. If we all stop...that's fucking powerful. Great piece, Susan. xo
Thanks Nan. You are so right. We’re at that point where we must stop. Every single system is collapsing. Then we take the next breath, and begin. Those of us who have been through this on the personal level can lead the way. Heart forward. Full of compassion and strong boundaries.
Love you, Susan. Wise woman. xo
For a fact. Yes
Irretrievably. We need a partnership culture with powerful older women leading.
“Because I was at war.” Resistance to what is creates the suffering. Not the pain. Pain is pain. I find who I am by who I am not. As usual, we’re on the same page. I think it’s where we land at a certain stage in the process.
I do, too. There’s a end point. When enough of your water is under the bridge, you finally understand there was never any reason to try and change the course of the river. I think there are more of us than we know.
❤️🔥
Another great 'ramvling' and perhaps that's what we need more of - insights rather than insults.
Agreed. Fighting does not create peace. Simple.
Center and listen to your heart. It's such a clear and simple way to love ourselves and share love with the world.
To live in community and take care of one another. Thank you for your words and may your retreat be filled with peace.
I have no doubt it’s happening. I only wonder how long it will take. Will I live to see it? I’m betting I will.
I bet you will as well!
Another jewel, as always!
Thanks, Tom.
I'm still tingling with excitement from the energy that rises from these words. Acceptance, vision, and surrendering our stories have always seemed so individual to me, so personal. From this vantage point after having just read your essay, surrendering our stories seems as broad as the Stars.
Yes! Cultures grow like individuals do. It just takes longer.
It's occurring to me that it's arrogant to think otherwise!
I can do it. Secretly, I’m looking forward to it.
Yes, and it's also a way to opt out of trying.
"Take care of what you have been refusing to tend to." Thank you for responding, and may you enjoy your coming "withdrawal" when it's time.
Thanks. I don’t know if enjoy is the right word for a darkness retreat, but I’m sure it will be benificial. Might not be good until it’s over…. hahaha she laughed nervously.
Hood point-I am not sure what a a darkness retreat look like, but I hope you'll write it when you return to the light.
You can do it. Just stop. I know, I know, easier said than done. I'd probably last all of 7 minutes. xo